Reminders
by ButterCowLuvr
Summary: Lots of people often wondered what the leading cause of suicide deaths were. Roxas thought it was obvious. For when you don't remind someone that you care, they never truly know. Oneshot, AU Friendship fic. Rated for character death.


A/N: This was just something short that I wrote a while ago. I wanted something in the fanfiction archives that reflected the actual friendship between Axel and Roxas, as opposed to the ever popular yaoi pairing (but I'm certainly NOT meaning offense to shippers of AkuRoku, It's just not one of my liked pairings).

Warnings: It's pretty angsty, if you would call that a warning.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of it's characters.

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A reminder of every thing you've ever known is reflected in another being. Roxas thought it was a natural sense of the mind.

Axel wasn't like that. He was a nobody completely absorbed in change. Roxas should have realized his mistake sooner, the agony would have lasted less. For Roxas was, and always had been, a solid individual. He knew himself for what he was, and didn't seek to change it.

_When you don't remind someone that you care for them, then what's the point of loving them in the first place?_

Those words hit Roxas hard and deep. His nail dug in the hardened earth and his blue eyes were squeezed together so tightly that he was unsure he would be able to open them again, to see the reality that was Axel, his best friend. He knew Axel had tried everything to get his attention. The constant calling to make sure he was okay, the invites to places around town, the unexpected visits in the early morning, a somber reflection of loyalty and humor.

Roxas regretted few things in life, but one of his biggest regrets was not showing his gratefulness. Axel always had a way of making him feel smaller and unsure of himself which move to make next, if his words didn't sound stupid and out of place when spoken. He was always hesitant, but he wanted to wait. He wanted the right moment, the perfect second to make the loudest noise.

But he was too late.

It wasn't that Roxas never showed his thanks at all whenever Axel did something for him. The reactions were just so small that Axel was too quick to slow down and look for them. Roxas knew that, so why did Axel continue on?

Axel's actions were full of reminders, big and small, but always showing in the brightest of ways. He knew how to hit someone hard with practically every emotion. The force of each impact, of course, depended always on the other person.

"I couldn't understand, yet you knew!" Roxas cried at the gray, faded stone. Blackbirds high in the trees flew away in fright from the intensity of his scream. He could contain his tears no more and they fell without a doubt on the foundation of Axel's relaxed tombstone, identical in form, but different in nearly every way.

Sometimes, however, in those rare moments on that sunlit tower, Axel could figure out a little at a time how he affected Roxas. He never seemed to mind just how small they were, so he never told Roxas, not once, to change. The reminders seemed good enough for him.

"But why did you die?" Roxas' mind was blank and clouded. The throb in the back of his head became strong and forceful, like the wound was fresh, just like it had been on the night where all those unused reminders should have been present.

"_Roxas, Axel's gone," the voice was ghastly and distant, cracked from shock._

_Roxas didn't understand._

"_Where'd he go? When will he return?" the younger boy rolled his eyes and smirked, knowing that Axel always had a way with finding trouble with adventure somewhere._

_The other end was silent and Roxas thought the phone connection was lost for a moment. But then..._

"_Never, Roxas. Axel's dead."_

_The boy simply laughed a little. It was quite typical for Demyx of all people to joke, he'd been doing that for years. Roxas sighed and shifted his phone to the other ear, shaking his head._

"_Quit playing, Dem..." Roxas chuckled lightly, "did you think I'd fall for that one?"_

_And angry voice pierced the air violently. "Dammit Roxas, he's gone! Just..." the older man inhaled deeply on the other line before continuing, "be over at my house as soon as you can. You need to know what happened."_

_The line then died immediately and the only sound heard was the tone in his ear, mixed with the pounding of his newly crafted heart and those tearful, horrid words;_

_/"Dammit Roxas, he's gone!"/_

Shaking himself from that memory, Roxas hissed in the pain emitted from his fingertips. Jerking both his hands out of the dirt, his blurry eyes inspected his fingers, victims of an unclear and tormented conscience.

They were bleeding. They red blood reminding him of the fire so closely wound around his former friend's soul. He hated that reminder, that color, that element symbolizing a wild craving of attachment, of never-ending search for destruction.

In the end, Axel had reached his goal, and suddenly, the realization that hit Roxas was so overwhelming. The boy almost felt his senses drain as his mouth held agape when reading each word of Axel's name on the stone in front of him. They drained of everything not associated with that lasting fire, a curse and a blessing, indeed.

_When you don't remind someone that you care for them, they often seek destruction, only to cause destruction in another._

_He finally began to understand. Axel was the ultimate sacrifice for Roxas. His reminders were powerful, and he knew that the blond was affected on a larger scale than he could accurately comprehend._

_In destroying himself, he had awakened the destruction of another, the reminders were just a starting point. As another wave of tears arose from the hurting boy, something odd seemed to happen: it began to get colder._

_Reminders come in many sizes. It does not matter how big or small they have to be. The impact is all that matters in the end and the reminder remains a starting point. It can lead to enlightenment, to a destroyed mind, even both._

In this case, enlightenment _came _from that loss, as it does for many others in the world. Roxas was just another part of the system. Fire always spreads and conquers quickly, the impact only varies on how long it's been there.

Shivering now in the shift of weather, Roxas closed his eyes and lifted his head, breaking in deeply, as if he were afraid his life could end any second.

Axel, in the end, was the reminder all along. Maybe that one death was all he ever really needed. The ultimate pain came, only to bring about the ultimate happiness.

--

A/N: Yes I KNOW it was deep and redundant. I really should have edited this more, but I'm rather happy where it is now. I got my point across hopefully, and that's all I really wanted. Comment if you want! Constructive criticism is always nice!


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